Hey God, it’s me, Jamie. Writing a letter to you seems so formal to me, so I’m just going to chat and ponder with You as I write.
First of all, I have to say that I am quite elated that my relationship with You has come so far. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as close. When I was that little college girl who experienced closeness with you for the first time, I had so much to learn, and there were so many years in which I never thought I would experience that fellowship with You again. You know how much I whined and how much I longed and how forgotten I felt. Many days it was as if I’d “made my bed in the depths” (Ps. 139:8), but just like the psalm says, You were always there with me. Oh, how much I wallowed in the mirky miry clay. You are a God of irony allowing me to play with clay as part of my work while also spiritually being stuck there, so that I truly understood the essence of clay, of You molding me, shaping me, and working me, and placing me in the fire too. Sometimes, I am sad and ashamed that it took me so long to move out of that season and cling more unto the truth of You – to begin to clasp some semblance of maturity.
You are my Abba, my Father, my daddy, and I am lost without You. Thank You for being patient with me always. During the darkest dark, somehow or another, I ended up sponsoring a Compassion child. I remember picking up her picture at a concert, treasuring her name, and clinging to the hope that I was in some small way helping her, being a part of the mission You’d called me to, even while unsure of how You were working in my heart.
My sponsored child, Timket, recently left the Compassion program, and even though it was almost time for her to leave school, I’m saddened that her time was cut short due to personal challenges. It was just recently that you shared with me how to be a better sponsor – and my love for Timket grew by leaps and bounds in the last months.
I don’t think I did the best job I could have done sponsoring Timket. Isn’t that the way of human frailty – trying and never fully succeeding? Yet, You knew. You knew how much work You would do to reshape me and how much work You would do for Timket in spite of me, not because of me. You are still shaping us both with your never-ending unfailing love.
It was hard for me as a single woman to connect with a little girl across the world when I’d never had children of my own. I waited for her to get older and letters to be more engaged, but still there was a barrier. And when I did have kids of my own, I didn’t always write as often as she probably needed. I hope and pray that even though I messed up as I so often do that she senses Your love somehow or another through even my failures. I thank you that you allowed me to grow deeper in love with her in the last few months I was her sponsor. I know that she needs You now perhaps more than ever. Strengthen her. Uplift her. Comfort her, and let her know that she is not alone, but that You care for her. These things You’ve done for me with such gentle finesse, such deep love, and I know that You can do it for her.
Lord, thank you for the new little girl we’ve just received this week. We are excited about beginning a new sponsorship for her. Lord, there are so many waiting. You’ve shown Yourself to them through the wind, the sky, the trees, the changing seasons, but not all of them know Your name or what You’ve already done for them through Your son.
You aid the alien, the widow, the orphan, the outcast. On behalf of the least of these, of which I have been one, please send people to sponsor and care for them that Your name and Your renown would spread to the ends of the earth. O Holy God, You are Great and Mighty and Greatly to be Praised. How I love you Lord! How forever indebted I will be. I am Yours and Yours forever.
I’m deeply in love with You. jsh