One thing I wrote and spoke about at the Women’s Conference was God’s covering, false coverings, and the masks we wear. It seems to have been the favorite of my topics to speak on. I never knew I could find so much to say about Noah and his son Ham uncovering him. I digress, but as I studied, wrote, spoke, God revealed to me more on this topic over and over. I just had no idea how much the teacher “gets” to learn before she can teach the student. Actually, it is quite a privilege.
Recently, I removed my mask and showed someone my disfigured ugly face hidden underneath. It was not quite as ugly and disfigured as the face I see in the mirror each day, because I had doctored it up a bit, but still I let them see me almost as I am. They didn’t like what they saw and told me to put the mask back on. The mess of who I was more than they were willing to handle. Naturally, I felt ashamed. That’s what uncovering does when a person is not accepted in their vulnerable state.
I don’t really want to uncover for that person any time soon. But this time was different from when in the past I’ve removed the mask and been hurt before. This time I knew God knows how He has lovingly fashioned me and that he sees my heart like no else ever really will. I did not take for granted that even though that person could not see God covering much of my disfigurement, I could look in the mirror and see Him covering it. God has seen my every ugly thought, every over sensitive thing I’ve imagined, every deep and dark secret, and He still loves every part of me. And He not only sees those scars hidden under the mask, but He understands my motives – good or bad that they may be. I love Him because He loves me that much. It is a love I’ll never fully experience in human form (apart from Jesus).
It made me think about how little love we have to give (in comparison to a great big God) – how little we can truly understand one another. How we must love out of our poverty of not knowing or understanding what lies under our masks. I’ve been rethinking poverty, prosperity, and giving. It is a message that seems to echo in many ways in my life now. Secretly, I am thinking of giving it all. Don’t tell my husband.
Paradoxically, I’ve noticed that I am poorest in spirit. I am utterly poor in spirit, insecure, hopeless, weak, hard pressed to believe His words over me in every way. But by the same token, He takes that poor crumbled weak mess of a spirit and makes it rich in Him. He gives me a new face. He restores my thoughts. He gives me hope. He sets my feet to dancing. He does something miraculous that I want more of, so I keep coming back to the well for His water, and I keep telling people about Him whether they like what is under the mask or not.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Can I get an Amen? Sweet Jesus, amen!